If Twilight 4 Was 10 Times Shorter and 100 Times More Honest
That's totally fine, pretty much every one of my decisions in this series so far has been made by a man on my behalf, so the only difference now is that you have a vagina.
Vagina dentata, actually, but you'll find out alllll about that when you become a vampire, whoo boy!
I have mulberry bags sale to go to my bachelor party. But don't worry, my character has to remain appealing to even the most prudish girls, so there won't be any strippers. Just some good old fashioned ritualistic animal killing.
EXT. RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE MOVIE WEDDING
KRISTEN marries ROBERT as slowly as humanly possible, with a couple dream sequence versions of the wedding mulberry handbags sale thrown in for extra running time. KRISTEN'S father, BILLY BURKE, walks her down the AISLE while thanklessly delivering the film's only entertaining lines.
Honey, I noticed that so far your entire performance has consisted of you looking like you're trying to silently fart. Maybe you want to throw in a couple facial expressions that make it look like you're mulberry lily actually, you know, happy about this?
Ugh. It's a good thing this movie was split in two parts or this scene would take the five minutes it deserves instead of the 25 minutes that are currently making every hapless boyfriend in the audience contemplate fashioning concession stand Twizzlers into a noose.
KRISTEN marries ROBERT. They KISS, but it is so cheap mulberry bags passionless that DIRECTOR BILL CONDON spins the camera around them 15 times as a distraction.
Don't feel bad, Twilight is like the greasy brown stain on the white briefs of many otherwise respectable directors.
Hey Kristen, even though it's nearly impossible for most people to even eat dinner at their own wedding, it will be easy for us to vanish into louboutin shoes outlet the woods for half an hour. I've got a surprise for you: I got Taylor Lautner to show up! Even though he was invited to the wedding and could have just attended like a normal person, this is a big deal!
Yay, nothing makes a wedding more magical for a girl than embracing a guy she still has the hots for immediately after marrying a different guy!
TAYLOR christian louboutin outlet LAUTNER, wearing an actual SHIRT, approaches KRISTEN.
Hey Kristen. I'm pretty bummed about you marrying Robert, but I'm pretty jazzed that I got to tear my shirt off in literally the first eight seconds of the movie.
So I guess the audience of clamoring fangirls is really looking forward to the honeymoon so they can see you romantically ride Robert's roger vivier shoes razor sharp, barbed vampire cock.
Actually the whole "Twilight frenzy" thing seems to have like totally died down. All of the middle school girls who discovered masturbation while reading these books are in college now and don't seem to give a shit. It's pretty much just the creepy middle aged ladies left.
Man, fuck all of them for not coming to cheap vivier roger see Abduction.
ROBERT takes KRISTEN to BRAZIL.
OK, but only if we put it in a Styrofoam cup with a cute little straw just to make it impossible for anyone to take this seriously.
KRISTEN guzzles down her BLOOD FROSTEE.
Kristen, I have bad news. My pack leader has decided allowing a vampire baby monster to live is against his moral code.